CFS/CHS

 The lesson I learned today I think is worth sharing;

When the mind is constantly busy, and multi tasking.. the "stress" gland is like a switch that could not easily switch off. Some people are unable to turn off the switch (PTSD), and some people take a really long time to shut off the switch.. and shift from busy mode to idle mode.

So here's what we must do;

1. Disassociate. When you are at home, stop doing anything and everything about work. And if you work from home, step outside. The mind is not built for indoor environment alone

2. Establish time boundaries. Work in the day, rest at night. If it takes you 2 hours to finish a simple task, who cares? You do you.

3. Pause. Pause. Pause. It's hard not to show up, but it's even harder to keep showing up. If you don't feel like it, it's time to pause

4. Treat yourself as fragile as you have to. If you feel like binge eating for the day, don't make it a day when calories matter the most. If you need a haircut, opinions what length does not matter, what only matters is what cushions your fragility. 

The whole duration of therapy my mind is constantly thinking about sticky rice and mangoes, so there won't be any conversation about for how many am I ordering tonight. 

5.It does make me sleepy and more calm, not hundred percent not best but better than the previous weeks. 

I'm just exhausted keeping my disability hidden  it won't leave me alone anyway. I'll be vocal about it because at the end of the day, it does help me stay alive, and stay sane. I learned to describe it as "It comes with the box"

6. Find someone you trust, and open up.I remember the very first day I went to therapy in 2016. I look like a zombie back then, I look like a mess, there was something awfully wrong with me. I booked a flight from Sydney to Manila because I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. My sisters respectfully didn't ask questions despite being big mouths, I could see in their eyes the frustration of why didn't I speak up sooner and the disappointment being a conservative family. for sure there were loads to say.. but they went with me to the hospital and just waited patiently. No question was asked about why or how. And I just think this is the epitome of support conservative, and religious families must give a depressed loved one. Just sit with them.  

xx

This blog has been neglected for so long but I needed a space to dump my thoughts, hence, returning to this friend here, this is after all a safe space for me. When I get better, I will revamp it into a cute baking blog again, for now.. it's a free slate.